If you’re a television watcher, you know that you are going to see at least a half dozen commercials every night, selling drugs to deal with depression. In one two-hour segment last week, I counted seven spots for depression, five for ED and two for arthritis. In most cases, there’s a lot of blue sky being sold.

The ads all say, “Just take this pill and all your problems will go away.” Then they spend the other forty five seconds listing the side effects, which ought to be enough to scare anyone off. None of these ads suggest that there just might be some other factors in play.

Depression is a warning that your body is not functioning properly, that something is off kilter. For instance, many cardiac patients suffer from depression. It’s because their heart isn’t functioning exactly as it should. In countries where fish is a major part of the diet, depression is much lower than in this country (as is heart disease).

In 2009, the U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality reported that heart disease patients with depression have lower levels of omega-3 fatty acids. The report indicated that raising the level of omega-3 fatty acids (with fish oil) helped to prevent depression and adverse cardiovascular events.

The Mayo Clinic reports that fish oil supplements, used alone, or with traditional medicine, may treat depression effectively. Right at this moment, the National Institute of Health reports that there are 14 ongoing clinical trials studying the use of fish oil to treat depression.

Studies are also underway on perinatal depression and fish oil, which affects about 15% of all women who give birth. Many doctors already believe that fish oil reduces anxiety during pregnancy.

But beyond this, many health professionals believe that the constant consumption of junk food has many adverse health effects and depression is just one of them.

Small changes can yield big health dividends. One reader dipped his toe in the water and gave up his beloved Mountain Dew. He lost thirty pounds over the next 90 days and his constipation dissappeared. He drank Mountain Dew for the buzz, or what he thought was energy, and now that he doesn’t drink it anymore, he has energy to burn. (And certainly the weight loss helps.)

Everyday, something new and beneficial, is discovered about fish oil. And with an ultra pure formulation, like mine, you’re in much better shape than the average bear.

Still, that doesn’t stop ill informed jackasses, like Senator John McCain, from trying to take what works away from you. McCain is busy sponsoring a bill that would put the government in charge of supplements and deciding what’s good and what’s not. I’ve always thought McCain was a snake oil salesman and this proves it. He’s up for re-election in November and if you have some extra money…I’d suggest you send it to his primary opponent, J.D. Hayworth, a real conservative, who understands the concept of limits on Federal authority.

To quote the great American writer and humorist, Mark Twain, “Be careful about reading healthcare bills, you may die of a misprint.” That just about sums up the Obamacare bills being rushed to the floors of both houses of Congress.

Polls taken yesterday indicated that although Obama got a small bounce after his hour long harangue last week, that bounce has evaporated, and the public is squarely against whatever it is that the Democrats are proposing. I say whatever it is, because no one in Congress seems to know what’s in any of the four pieces of legislation, making their way around the capitol.

But even if they haven’t read the bill (and they haven’t), Democrats are sure this will cure whatever ails us as a nation, and to hell with what it costs, and how much more bureaucracy they create as a result (oh, and by the way, if you’re over 55, having paid into the system for your entire life, you’ll get the least care). Obama can cry all he wants to about the big bad insurance companies, but what he isn’t telling you is that with the government in charge, there won’t be anyone to cry to. (Unless, of course, they happen to answer the phone during their Monday-Friday 8-4 shift, whereupon they will quote you some obscure regulation no.1234.765, paragraph 2, line 6, which states, “You’re screwed!”).

Which brings us to a single irrefutable scientific fact: “For very year Democrats spend in Washington, they lose 5 points of their IQ.”

By way of example, Speaker Pelosi was sent to Washington in 1987, some 22 years ago. At the time her IQ was generously estimated at 148, quite high by Congressional standards. Most Democratic seats are held by those who scored in the high 80′s to low 100′s. So it was only natural that Pelosi rose to the top of a large vat of stale brew.

So now lets put the science to work.

Pelosi’s incoming IQ:       148
# of years in Congress:      22

22 x 5  =  110
 
IQ                                    148
22 years in Washington    -110

New IQ Score                     38
 
Congress Approval Rating    22%

As you can see, science explains everything.

What could change all this is a heavy dose of my Powerhouse Omega Formula, which is a great help in keeping the brain in tip top shape, even if you live in, or near Washington. My ultra pure, deep water, small fish formula, with an enteric coating, to prevent fish burps or aftertaste, would go a long way toward repairing the obviously damaged brain cells in the District of Columbia. Maybe somebody could even pass some along to the President, who also seems not to know what’s in his own bill.

The trouble with the President is that he lacks the power of real popular ideas, but not the power of speech. He has made over 30 major speeches on healthcare, since he has taken office, and the more he speaks, the worse the poll numbers get. It is exceedingly clear that the American people do not want what he is selling.

I’m not saying that my Powerhouse Omega Formula would solve all his problems, but it might help him recognize that this turkey is something that a couple of gallons of gravy won’t save.

I have this theory that the reason that the country is in such a pickle today is…the movies. That’s right. We spend entirely too much time watching the unreal and many of us end up believing what’s up there on the big screen. So today, I have to bring you ten lessons that we have learned, by wasting our time and money on Hollywood.

1.)  It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

2.)  A detective can only solve a case, once he’s been suspended from duty.

3.)  Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading civilization.

4.)  It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial artists. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, by dancing around in a threatening manner, until you have knocked out their predecessors.

5.)  When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they never get a concussion, or brain damage.

6.)  No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, expolsion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

7.)  Any lock can be picked by a credit card, or a paper clip, in seconds, unless it’s a door to a burning building, with a child trapped inside.

8.)  An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

9.)  During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club, at least once.

10.)  Talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities exist, and there is no paperwork involved, if your house lands on a witch.

I’ll close with the words of the late, great George Burns, who said, “Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that…you’ve got it made.”

Over the weekend, Michael Jordan was inducted into the basketball Hall of Fame, along with C. Vivian Stringer, John Stockton, and David Robinson. Tickets sold for $1000 a piece and they were almost impossible to get. The speeches by the aforementioned Stringer, Stockton and Robinson were uplifting, gracious, and funny.

Then came the main act, the man everybody paid big money to see.

He was introduced as “the greatest basketball player ever.”

When he was finished, he was still “the greatest basketball player, ever.” But what happened in those 25 minutes he spoke was disgraceful and nobody will hold him in high esteem, ever again, although he had plenty of apologists in the media, who tried to cover up his colossal blunder. In short, he was what the British call a bore.

He was unprepared.

He was ungrateful.

He was insulting.

He was petty.

He was altogether worthy of getting the hook, if there had been one around.

He trashed a high school teammate. He trashed his high school coach. He trashed Dean Smith. He trashed Jerry Krause, the Chicago Bulls owner. He trashed several other NBA players. He trashed the philosophy of having a good organization. As far as he was concerned, it was all about him, all the time. He even trashed his own kids, saying, “I wouldn’t want to be you.”

When I was a kid, my hero was Mickey Mantle. I had a whole wall of Yankee photos, all signed by the players. But I had at least 20 of Mickey, in every pose you could think of, and that didn’t count the ones of him and Roger Maris, or him and Yogi, or him and Billy Martin and Whitey Ford. I remember vividly when he retired.

In 1981, I was eating in a restaurant in Philadelphia, and who should sit down at the next table but Mickey Mantle. The only problem was that he was drunk and extremely obnoxious. A lot of air went out of his balloon that day. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t put it into words. Some of the lustre was restored, years later, when he quit booze and apologized for how he had acted, while drinking. But he only lived a little less than a year after that pronouncement. I had to blink back the tears the day he died, too.

Jordan’s problem isn’t booze, it’s ego. Many NBA Hall of Famers were disgusted with Jordan’s speech and attitude. They felt it reflected badly on the game, and on Jordan, who was still trying to settle scores, some of them decades old. One apologist suggested that since he wasn’t getting paid, this is what you get.

That may be the truth, but if it is…it is pretty sad. In essence what he’s saying is…if you pay Jordan money, he’ll put on a happy face. If not…expect to get the A–hole he really is. Michael…I guess we hardly knew you.

I was talking with a friend over the weekend, Saturday to be exact, when he said said something that cracked me up. We were just commenting on this and that, as is our fashion, when out of the blue he says, “There’s three things I don’t need in my life: the Taliban, the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union), and Dallas Cowboys fans. And of the three, the last one could be the worst.”

It dawned on me that football season had arrived, and before the day ended, I had watched almost all of three college games, finally calling it quits after Ohio State defeated Southern Cal. I’m telling you, if I wasn’t taking my Powerhouse Omega Formula:

https://www.

…and Heart Charging Formula, (CoQ10):

http://www./CoQ10formula

…I don’t think I could have accomplished such a feat.

Now, it wasn’t until the Buckeyes and Trojans started playing that all the great sex commercials started. One of the commercials started with a couple tossing various objects away, until the man gave up his remote control, and they started dancing in the living room. Now…the only way that was going to happen Saturday night, during that game, was as a television fantasy (because we all know that no real man would do that, with such a big game on the line… especially with a chance for Southern Cal to get a win, in the last two minutes). The same thing could have been said for the Notre Dame – Michigan game, earlier in the afternoon.

I don’t care how many Viva’s are being sung, and by the way…that is one squirrelly tune. I don’t ever think I’ve heard a real man humming it and certainly wouldn’t know what to think, if I did.

About six weeks ago, I introduced my own erection protection product, based on the same science as all those bababillion dollar pharmaceuticals, and it has done pretty well. In fact, in terms of sales, it’s only about 10% behind the fish oil, and many men are obviously taking both:

They’re taking it…because as one of my partners likes to say…”Nobody has a problem in that department.” In fact, he likes to start conversations about my formula (MegaRex), by saying, “I know nobody here has this kind of problem, but I thought I would just tell you about this…in case you know somebody who could use some help.”

Then, we mysteriously get a boatload of orders from people who weren’t in the room, where it was talked about. And then, they keep ordering the product, for the problem they don’t have. It’s an absolute conundrum and I’m just not smart enough to figure it out.

I also wasn’t smart enough to get enough points to win my bet on the Giants – Redskins game. It’s a good thing it’s only going to cost me a dinner. And my friend is going to have to listen to a whole lot of heckling this week, as the Cowboys won their opener.

But having the Taliban and the ACLU to stomp on isn’t all bad.