I’m strapping on my helmet and flak jacket, as I write this, because some people won’t find this funny. But with the advent of Fat Focker TV (America’s Biggest Loser), we already know that many Americans find buffet molesters amusing, to the tune of at least a couple of hours a week. And mamamillions of advertising dollars.
We already know that the portable shade people have a higher risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, stroke and just about every disease imaginable. As an orthopaedic surgeon, I was often called upon to fix blubber-related injuries, which translates to asking your joints to carry a load much heavier than the design of your frame. It’s like loading a truck until the trailer rides on the wheels, which is an invitation to disaster.
The so called Health Reform Act will not help anybody who is overweight. (Or anyone else with a problem, either.) The reason is very simple. There is absolutely no provision in the reform that increases preventative care. Obese folks will head on down to the Obama clinics, where well meaning, but absolutely clueless, government health care officials will recommend whatever drug is bringing in big money to the treasury.
They certainly won’t be handing out any good advice, because after a few years, there will be fewer and fewer decent doctors still involved in the practice of medicine. Not only that, but they won’t even be allowed to tell you what all your options are, because some back room medical hack will be handing them all the solutions that will be fit to print.
Here’s what should be done.
Everyone that is overweight gets a Dr. Bill Food Card.
You must use it for all purchases of chow.
It would work like this: You’re in the grocery store, and you add two big bags of potato chips to the cart, along with a 12 pack of soda. Then you dump in some frozen pizza, a box or two of Hot Pockets, and a box of donuts and a 3 gallon tub of ice cream. You roll up to the counter, hand the clerk your card, and you are immediately scanned. When the high tech scanner ascertains your weight, you are immediately denied checkout and forced back into the store, to reselect some real food.
You keep getting rejected, until you only have healthy food in your cart.
By golly…I think it’s a brilliant idea and just look at the built in exercise, that forces people to walk around and around, looking for the healthy food.
Or you could just do this on your own, without any help at all from benevolent government.
You could start by eating a good breakfast and getting some antioxidants. You do that by eating the color rainbow of fruits and vegetables. Then make sure you get some B vitamins and take my Powerhouse Omega Formula, an ultra pure, enteric coated, pharmaceutical grade fish oil:
Make sure you get some zinc. And be sure you get some vitamin D, by spending 20-30 minutes a day in the sun. A young physician friend of mine had his vitamin D level checked recently. His doctor wasn’t happy with the extremely low level he found. He ordered my friend to get out of his office and the hospital, get some sunlight every day and take a supplement.
My Powerhouse Omega Formula helps to protect us from different diseases, by keeping the heart beating at a slower, steady pace, stopping the clogging of arteries (atherosclerosis), reducing blood triglyceride levels, lowering blood pressure levels, increasing nitric oxide levels in the blood and tissues, and reducing inflammation, naturally.
But by losing weight, you can accelerate all those things and gain even more benefits.
Being a fat focker buys you a one way ticket to Davey Jones’ Locker, sooner, rather than later. Wise up and you won’t have to use Obamacare.