I wish I could say I have winning lottery tickets, the keys to a new
car, or that I’m giving away my ticket to Oprah’s show in Australia.
I could tell you I have tickets to see Tampa’s Rays in the playoffs,
but nobody seems to want those, even if the Rays win. (There’s
something in the water on that side of the state.)
No…what I have to tell you is really important. (I think.)
While watching the news during my lunch, I saw that Snooki has a
novel coming out.
Yeh…that Snooki Polizzi…from the Jersey Shore. The name of her
novel is: “The Shore Thing.”
Calling Snooki a novelist is sure to make Norman Mailer come back
from the dead and write a half dozen more books. And you could be
sure that every paragraph would outclass Snooki, who really doesn’t
even know how to dress herself yet, in her mid twenties. She does
know how to get arrested, open a beer can and do shots, but as more
kids age, that skill set diminishes pretty fast, even on the Jersey
But what you really need is a signed First Edition, because at some
point, that book will be rarer than a woman in Los Angeles that
hasn’t done Botox. I can just see, years from now, hopefully long
after I’m gone, someone bringing one of those signed First Editions
into “Antiques Roadshow” and the the pony tailed geek, with the
horned rim glasses will say, “Do you have any idea what that’s
And the 250 pound heifer, with a striped shirt, will gush, “No…I
got it at a yard sale, for a quarter.”
Then, the pony tailed geek says, “We haven’t seen a copy of that in
decades and…I’ve conferred with my colleagues…and we think, at
auction, it could conservatively go at….$125,000.00!”
The fat woman faints…and then wakes up to find out it was only a
dream and that the book wasn’t any good, anyway.
She could have spent her money on something with some real value,
like my Powerhouse Omega Formula:
But she wasted it on Snooki’s book about …whatever it was about.
But had she spent the money on my pharmaceutical grade fish oil, she
would have had the smarts to know to leave that piece of junk on the
stack, where it belongs. That’s because my formula helps connect all
the important parts of your brain, like the one that screams “NO!”
when you entertain the thought of buying such a worthless bit of
Snooki is a “novelist.”
The next thing you know, someone will be telling us that our taxes
have not gone up under President Obama. (He actually told a suburban
audience that today.) I guess he forgot to use the word “yet.”
Because in a hundred days or so, they’re going up substantially.
You’d know that, too, if you were taking my Powerhouse Omega
Formula. It just might make you smarter than the average bear:
I’ll be back tomorrow with more.
With my best wishes for your optimum health,