Archive for June, 2011

This Might Work If You Have Enough Shirts

 
This morning, I was doing some reading about the 

Gold Rush of 1849, in California. You had to be a 
tough son of a bitch to survive in 1849 and a 
really tough son of a bitch to survive the Gold 
Rush. You can rest assured that there weren’t any
girlymen hanging around California then, and 
certainly no Democrats.
 
When reading history, there are always little details
that are fascinating. Did you know, for instance, that
miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing
and pressing? 
 
Due to the highly inflationary costs of the Gold 
Rush, during the boom years, it was deemed more
feasible to send laundry to Hawaii for service.
 
When you look at the pictures, it certainly is rare
to see anybody who looks like they’ve bathed in the
last six months. Unless, of course, they hit the 
jackpot… and then they became something other than
a gold miner.
 
Something else to keep in mind here. Business 
activity in California created jobs in Hawaii. It also
created scores of opportunities in many other places,
as shopkeepers worked to keep up with what the 
market demanded. 
 
Listening to President Obama opine on the economy,
over lunch today, I was astounded by some of the 
things he said. First of all, he takes absolutely no blame
for the shape of the economy. Nobody is asking him to 
shoulder the whole load, as most of us are smart enough
to remember who preceded him. But there he was, blaming
everyone, but himself, for the economy. He even blamed 
Congress for spending too much money and raising the 
debt. 
 
Pardon me, but weren’t those folks Obama Democrats, 
crazed with power, that spent billions upon billions on 
stimulus, then billions upon billions more on a health care
bill nobody wanted, and billions and billions more that we 
don’t know about, because the Fed is keeping it secret?
Weren’t those the President’s people, giving him what he 
wanted?
 
And he still stubbornly wants to spend more. But I will 
tell you this: economics is Obama’s Achilles’ heel. When
Obama talks about money, he can’t get from point A to
B, without stumbling and meandering all over the place. 
You’d think he was a lifetme stutterer whenever he’s asked
a real question about monetary policy. 
 
His only answer is "tax the rich." Tax the rich.
 
I have an idea. Since Obama would rather play golf than
be an actual President, I say let’s tax anybody that has 
time to play golf. The more important your job, the higher
the tax, when it comes time to play. You have to pay the
tax individually. No one else can pay it for you, or give you
an exemption. For the President to play 18 rounds, the tax
would be…$200,000. 
 
Coming up with that number was simple. If you make $200,000,
Obama considers you rich. So that’s his tax if he wants to play.
I’ve often wondered how a socialist came to love a rich man’s 
game so much, anyway. Oh…the other thing…he can only play
on municipal courses, no private clubs. 
 
If he’s truly a man of the people, this shouldn’t be a problem.
 
And then we can tax vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard. 
 
Then…in an astounding move, we vote to triple the taxes on all
registered Democrats (January 2013). 
 
One thing we know for sure. We’ll get our laundry back from 
Honolulu, before Obama fixes the economy.
 
 
I’ll be back tomorrow with more.
 
With my best wishes for your optimum health,
 
Dr. Bill

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Plant City, FL 33567




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One Way To Get Rid Of Your Jelly Belly

When I was in high school, there was a kid the other

kids nicknamed "Jelly Belly," or just "Jelly," for short.
It’s funny, but today I can’t even remember his real 
name. "Jelly" didn’t like his nickname much and he 
would threaten to kick your ass, if you called him by
that name. 
 
This was pretty funny, because Jelly was really soft
and if he made a move toward you his belly would 
wiggle and shake, causing almost everyone to laugh
even more. It’s a cruel world.
 
After high school, I lost track of Jelly for years. Then,
one day on the street, I saw this guy in a uniform and
he looked like Mr. Universe. When I got closer I couldn’t
believe my eyes. It was Jelly. The Marine Corps had 
given Jelly a full body transformation. 
 
Now, I realize that I can’t send you all off to join the 
Corps, even though that would damn near guarantee 
100% positive results.
 
So, here’s a little trick that really takes off the pounds.
 
Move your dinner up to no later than 6 PM. Eat, and
then… do not eat another thing, until breakfast. If you’re
diabetic, as well as a jelly belly, this will help lower your
blood sugar, too.
 
We often don’t realize how much crap we eat at night.
A smidge of this, a few chips, a couple of bites of pie,
cookies, soda…it all adds up and it ends up in the negative
column, which is located directly below your chest. It can
even give men the dreaded "man boobs," which is worse 
than being called "Jelly."
 
One of my fans has lost almost 40 pounds and he credits 
about half of it to never eating after 6 PM. The thing about
eating at night, according to him, is that you never really 
know how much you’re eating, because you’re in denial about
eating, when you know you shouldn’t. 
 
 
I’ll end with a bit of trivia.
 
In 1976, the first eight Jelly Belly flavors were launched.
They were:  Orange, Green Apple, Root Beer, Very Cherry,
Lemon, Cream Soda, Grape, and Licorice. 
 
There are now 50 official flavors, but all of the first eight
remain in the Top Ten Flavors. 
 
I’ll be back tomorrow with more.
 
With my best wishes for your optimum health,
 
Dr. Bill

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Plant City, FL 33567




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Commander Obama Sends Spies To The Doctors Office

 

While winding down the war in Iraq and doing the same

    in Afghanistan, the Obama administration has declared 

war on doctors. Using what are called "mystery shoppers,"
Obama plans on finding out which doctors are accepting
Obamacare and which aren’t.
 
I guess wearing a white coat and refusing government
healthcare is now a terrorist act. We’re to be included in
the same class as Mullah Omar, Zawahiri and Uncle Mo
in Libya. 
 
With the advent of Obamacare around the corner, somebody
in the White House figured out that there are not enough 
physicians to handle the extra traffic. This is after years of
Obama and his acolytes telling the public, "Nothing will change.
You’ll get to keep your own doctor. No one will have their 
insurance taken away."
 
And if you believe a word of that, I have some clean air in
China I’m willing to sell you at a good price.
 
The physician shortage goes all the way back to Hillarycare,
the precursor of the current Obomanation. Hillary and her fellow
communists from the Ivy League wanted to determine how many
doctors could be licensed, how many would be sent to areas
they didn’t want to go, how many hours they would work and
yada yada yada. Thankfully, that was defeated.
 
But it didn’t do anything about the shortages. They have remained
for two decades. In many areas of the country, right at this moment,
there are extreme shortages of doctors.
 
In Richmond, Virginia, where I interned many, many years ago,
there are half a dozen psychiatrists to service a few million people.
People drive to Richmond from four hours away to be seen.
 
You want to find an Ob-Gyn (Baby doctor)? Good luck!
 
Smart young people who normally would have chosen Medicine 
as a profession are looking elsewhere. Good doctors are getting
into other fields, or retiring (much like me). 
 
The reason is simple: Too much government interference. Too
much red tape. Too many forms to fill out. Countless wasted 
hours, trying to explain what needs to be done to government
bureaucrats. 
 
And now…being treated like criminals from an Administration 
that doesn’t know which way is up. Obama has long used doctors
as a whipping post, often referring to them as "greedy." 
 
On the campaign trail, he often referred to a diabetic amputation,
where the patient lost his foot because the surgeon wanted to 
collect a $50,000 fee, which is paid immediately to the surgeon.
 
Nobody ever questioned him about this story, which he made 
up out of whole cloth, just to get his audience in the proper frenzy.
A cursory check of the "facts" would have proved this story
totally implausible. But the liberal press was asleep at the wheel…
again. 
 
If Obama wanted to use "mystery shoppers," he might start 
with government services. He might check to see if government 
employees were actually putting in a full day. He might check
to see where those missing billions of dollars are. Like in those
"shovel ready" projects he yapped about for over two years. I’d
like to know where that money went.
 
If it’s more physicians he wants, then I have some advice for him.
 
Get the government out of Healthcare.
 
And send your spies to Occidental. Maybe they can find your transcript.
 
 
I’ll be back tomorrow with more.
 
With my best wishes for your optimum health,
 
Dr. Bill
 
 

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Do We Really Need This

I’m in the Big Apple for about ten days on business,

    and a little entertainment. I’ve always considered just

walking the streets of Manhattan entertainment and 
the best part is that it’s free. Real entertainment in 
New York is expensive. If you want tickets to anything
that’s really hot, or a Yankees game, it’s going to cost
you more than a few bucks.
 
The street entertainment goes on 24/7 and you only
contribute if you feel like it. You can watch artists, 
musicians and more than a few in the "just plain off
their rocker" category. 
 
I had just finished a meeting and decided to walk 
down the avenue when I looked up and saw a sign
advertising a "tattoo and body piercing event." It was
directly in my path, about three blocks down. At the 
stoplight, I waited for a "Go" signal and turned my 
head to the right. What I saw was truly frightening.
 
There was a young woman standing next to me and
her whole face was pierced and studded. When I say
"whole face," I don’t mean just the ears and nose. She
had to have two to three hundred studs, rings, and 
wires in her face. It was so horrifying I had to look 
again, to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.
 
The view didn’t get any better. I paused as the light 
turned, to let her move on, so I didn’t have to witness
that again. As I hit the block this hoedown was being
held at, I had the sensation of feeling that I was a 
stranger on another planet. 
 
In front of the hotel, there were more tattooed folks
than I had ever seen in my life. Not just tattooed on
the body, but on the face, whole heads and head to
toe. The tattoos didn’t really wig me out, though they
were very strange. Some of them were quite exotic,
and even looked good on their canvas.
 
The piercing thing…the girl on the corner was just a
prelude to how wacky people can get. After a minute
or two of glancing at the outside display, I had to get 
out of the area. The topper was a guy who had real 
spikes running from his back, up over the crown of his
head to the eyebrows, like a stegosaurus. These weren’t
small either; they had to be three inches long. 
 
That was it…my signal that it was time to roll. The
only thing that guy didn’t have was an Obama/Biden
sticker. But I’m sure he’s a fan.
 
You talk about a place where my Powerhouse Omega
Formula was sorely needed. Just think of how many 
unconnected circuits you have to have in your brain to
think that putting 300 metal studs in your face is going
to help you. Some of the people there needed to be hooked
up to 55 gallon drums of my Powerhouse Omega Formula,
just to have a chance of getting back to reality.
 
 
The next time you feel the urge to get your body
pierced, order some of my Powerhouse Omega Formula.
 
You’ll thank me.
 
I’ll be back tomorrow with more.
 
With my best wishes for your optimum health,
 
Dr. Bill
 
 

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567




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Gator Seized At Long Island Liquor Store


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